As I sit down to write this, I realize that my day began over 16 hours ago. The alarm rang out at 5:30 am, and I realized it was the first time since March that my alarm had been set that early. Today was the first day in 5 months that I returned to work in my actual building. And it was hard. Like really hard. I cried, felt angry, and even scared. It is a difficult and emotional time for those of us in education right now. Trying to figure out how to balance your responsibilities at work, while trying to make sure that your responsibilities at home are being taken care of is not an easy task. Throw in the worry and concern for the students who are facing unimaginable things at home and the fear of contracting a deadly virus, and it becomes overwhelming.
If you would have told me back then that in 5 months our world would be something that none of us could even imagine, I wouldn't have believed you, or at least not to the extent that it is now. I could not have imagined trying to teach to young children through a computer screen when everything I have been taught says at this age learning should be play-based. But here we are.
But the most pain and heartache I felt today was for my own child. It finally hit me today that I would have to be out of the house every day, and my oldest two would be home all day while doing remote learning. When I left work for lunch, I finally broke down. I felt as though I was being ripped apart and pulled in half. My middle, the only boy, has high functioning Autism. He struggled last Spring when we went to remote learning. I struggled to help him. He was smart enough to figure out how to cheat the system and make it look to me as though he had completed work when in turn he really hadn't. He frustrated me and his teacher.
Scenarios of how his school year would look began to fill my head. Not only is remote a really hard (and bad) option for him, but he's also starting a new school this year. The uncertainty of that already has him feeling uneasy. And as his mama, I just want to take that all away from him.
So we had a very mature talk, and he knows the expectations of him. He knows that he has to be responsible for himself and his education. He knows and understands that his older sister will be unavailable due to having her own classes to attend. And I will remain positive that he can do this and will steer him in the right direction. Because really, at this point it is all I can do.
I heard something today during one of our meetings that has resonated with me. I have heard the saying before, but it's so applicable right now. You can't always control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. At this moment, I am choosing to control how I react. My emotions are valid. But my perspective on the events can change if I decide that I am going to react in a way that is opposite of my emotions. My situation may seem dire to me, but I know that there are parents and families who are suffering much more than we are during this time.
I encourage you, parents and educators, that we will all get through this together. Our district's motto this year is Stronger Together, and I truly believe in that principle. We are stronger together, so let's all remember that as we navigate these unchartered waters.
Love you so much!
-jennifer
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