Four years ago, I was called up quite unexpectedly and offered a job. The timing of it all was quite unbelievable as my husband and I had just had a conversation about me looking for a part-time job. Something that I could do while the kids were at school. The position happened to be at my children's school and was the same hours that they would be there. It couldn't have been more perfect of a job for me. And this job has since led me to the realization that being an Educator of little people is all that I ever wanted to be. It just took me 35 years to figure it out.
I am currently 40 credit hours into a Bachelor's degree in Early Childhood Education. I will be in my early forties (maybe even mid) by the time I actually achieve my degree. The hopes of me being able to retire with a teacher's pension are probably slim. I will start at the bottom of the ladder on the pay scale. I will have zero seniority and the twenty-something down the hall will likely know more than me. But none of those reasons are why I am pursuing this.
When I was in high school, my Freshman English teacher left a lasting impression on me. It was about that time that I also watched Dead Poet's Society for the first time. That movie evoked feelings in me that I cannot even begin to describe. I developed a passion for all things English....poetry, reading, writing...the list goes on and on. And at that moment I decided I wanted to do something in that field.
When I was accepted into a popular, local University that had an amazing Journalism department, I was overwhelmed. I had decided that if I wanted to write, make a difference in the world, and actually have a steady income, then Journalism was the way to go. What I hadn't planned on, was my lack of moral compass at the time and need for acceptance to overtake my ability to stay focused on my end goal. Though my time at Mizzou may have been brief, it was a learning experience. It taught me that Journalism was not my true passion. And so began my decade and a half long journey into finding myself.
I was married young, 22, and within a year we were growing our family. My focus became on raising my family and caring for my home. Any dreams that I had for my future career became a distant memory. Until I decided to take a leap of faith, and enroll in school again at the age of 38
This past term in school, I took Philosophy of Education. I was given the opportunity to create my Educational Philosophy. I must admit that it was something I hadn't given much thought up to that point. But as I gathered up things from my past that had led me to that very moment, I realized that there were so many things in my life that had brought me to that moment, and had developed my Educational Philosophy. Here is an excerpt from that paper:
"For me, education is extremely important. But not just education of the mind. Education of the heart is also important as we are teaching our future leaders and they need to also understand the areas of empathy, compassion and understanding. My educational philosophy looks something like this; to educate not only the mind but also the heart and develop a well-rounded citizen of the community. I want to be the type of teacher who cares about each and every student and understands their background and the environment that they come from. I want to be the type of teacher that focuses on getting children all the services they need and making sure each child has the same opportunity to become successful. I want to be the type of teacher who understands that most children are seeking acceptance and love. And if I let them, the most difficult and unexpected students can be the ones to bring the greatest joy and happiness."
In this current climate, my heart, mind, and soul are being torn in a million different directions. I long to be back in a classroom with the sweet faces that bring me so much joy. I hurt for those children who have been suffering for the last few months because their circumstances are beyond anything that we can imagine. But I am scared. Scared of the stigma that brings because I am willing to face sickness, possibly even death to be able to just do what brings so much joy and passion to my life. Scared that this is the choice I am having to make; having an impact on the lives of the children of tomorrow or my own health, my own family.
This post is not meant to be political or to cause dissent amongst us. Please, please, please understand that. I know this is heavy for my second post. But it is real and raw, and that is all that I want this to be. It is my own inner struggle...probably the same one or similar to what you are feeling as well.
We must all understand that there are two sides to EVERY SINGLE situation. Nothing is just black and white. There are greys and bright colors intertwined into it all. You can be sad and scared at the same time. Your heart can want one thing but your mind another. We cannot be closed-minded and see only one side. We must live with compassion, with empathy, and most of all with the love of our neighbor.
Get outside and enjoy the day!
Love you so much!
-jennifer
No comments:
Post a Comment